Love as a Choice: Exploring the Action Behind the Feeling

--Colleen Anderson, MA, LPC

Love can feel like a powerful emotion that sweeps us off our feet. Yet, many of us have experienced moments when that feeling fades or becomes confusing. What if love is more than just a feeling? What if love is something we choose and act on every day? As someone who works closely with therapy clients, I have seen how understanding love as an action can transform relationships and deepen connection.

Love is not just about butterflies or romantic moments. It is about the choices we make to build and maintain a partnership. This post explores how love requires intentional effort, clear communication, and a balance that respects both partners. Let’s dive into what it means to choose love and how this perspective can improve your relationships.

Choosing love through everyday actions strengthens connection

Understanding Love as an Action

When we say love is an action, we mean it involves deliberate behaviors that show care, respect, and commitment. Feelings can be unpredictable and change with circumstances, but actions are within our control. Choosing love means deciding to act in ways that support your partner and the relationship, even when emotions are complicated.

For example, showing up for your partner when they need support, listening without judgment, or making time for meaningful conversations are all actions that express love. These choices build trust and deepen the connection beyond fleeting feelings.

The Role of Communication in Love

Clear communication is one of the most important actions in any relationship. It allows partners to express needs, set boundaries, and resolve conflicts. Without communication, misunderstandings can grow and create distance.

In therapy sessions, I often encourage couples to practice active listening and honest sharing. This means not only speaking your truth but also hearing your partner’s perspective without interrupting or defending. When communication becomes a regular action, it strengthens the partnership and helps both people feel valued.

Mastering Communication

• Use "I" Statements: Express your feelings without placing blame. For example, instead of "You never listen," try "I feel unheard when our conversations get interrupted".

• Address Issues Promptly: Don't let problems fester. Regular check-ins can help you manage challenges as they arise.

• Be Reliable: Build trust over time by being honest, consistent, and following through on your commitments.

• Focus on Solutions: Approach conflicts with a goal of finding solutions together, not winning the argument. Compromise is necessary as everything affects the relationship.

  
  

Actions That Build Connection Daily

Small, consistent actions often matter more than grand gestures. Here are some practical ways to choose love every day:

• Express appreciation: Say thank you for the little things your partner does.

• Spend quality time: Put away distractions and focus on each other.

• Offer physical touch: A hug, a hand squeeze, or sitting close can communicate love.

• Check in emotionally: Ask how your partner is feeling and listen.

• Support goals and dreams: Encourage each other’s growth and celebrate successes.

  
  

These actions create a foundation of connection that supports the relationship through challenges.

Love as a Partnership

Viewing love as a partnership means recognizing that both people contribute to the relationship’s health. It is not about keeping score but about working together toward shared goals. When both partners choose love as an action, they create a safe space where vulnerability and honesty are welcome.

Partnership also means accepting imperfections. Love involves patience and forgiveness. Choosing love means committing to the relationship when it requires effort and compromise.

Love is a choice we make every day through the actions we take. It is not just a feeling that happens to us but a commitment we build with intention. By focusing on communication, balancing effort, and engaging in daily actions that foster connection, we can create partnerships that last.