Trauma, Attachment Styles, and How to Heal

"Why do I push people away?"

"Why do I feel anxious in relationships, even when things are going well?"

"Why does closeness make me uncomfortable?"

If you've ever asked yourself these questions, you're not alone—and the answers may lie in how trauma has shaped your attachment style.

What Are Attachment Styles?

Attachment styles are the emotional bonds we develop with caregivers in childhood, which later influence how we connect with others in adulthood, especially in romantic relationships, friendships, and even at work. There are four primary attachment styles:

1. Secure AttachmentPeople with this style are comfortable with intimacy and independence. They trust easily, communicate openly, and regulate emotions well.

2. Anxious AttachmentOften shaped by inconsistent caregiving, this style is marked by fear of abandonment, need for constant reassurance, and heightened emotional sensitivity.

3. Avoidant AttachmentTypically arising from emotionally unavailable caregivers, these individuals value self-sufficiency and tend to withdraw when relationships become emotionally intense.

4. Disorganized AttachmentUsually a result of trauma or abuse, this style is a mix of anxious and avoidant behaviors, where someone both craves and fears closeness.

How Trauma Impacts Attachment

Trauma—especially in early life—can interrupt the development of secure attachment. Whether it’s neglect, emotional inconsistency, physical abuse, or chronic stress, trauma teaches the nervous system to stay on high alert. Instead of learning that relationships are safe, nurturing, and predictable, the brain internalizes that love equals danger, inconsistency, or abandonment.

As a result, your adult relationships may become battlegrounds of triggers and unconscious patterns. You may find yourself repeating the same unhealthy dynamics over and over.

But here's the good news: Attachment styles are not life sentences. They are adaptive patterns, and with support, they can change.

How to Begin Healing

1. Awareness: Name Your Attachment Style

Begin by learning which attachment style resonates with you. Books like Attached by Amir Levine or working with a therapist can help you identify your relational patterns.

2. Explore the Root: Process Past Trauma

Healing requires going deeper. Unpacking the origin of your attachment wounds with a trauma-informed therapist, through talk therapy, EMDR, somatic experiencing, or inner child work, can shift how you relate to others and yourself.

3. Develop Emotional Regulation Skills

Trauma can dysregulate your nervous system. Mindfulness practices, breathwork, journaling, and therapy can help you notice triggers, pause, and respond rather than react.

4. Build Safe, Secure Relationships

Not all healing happens alone. Healthy, reciprocal relationships can rewire your attachment patterns. That’s why working with a therapist or engaging in group therapy can be so powerful—it provides a corrective emotional experience.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

Change takes time. Be gentle with yourself as you learn new ways of relating. Celebrate small shifts and give yourself credit for showing up and doing the work.

Final Thoughts

Trauma-informed attachment work is about more than just understanding your past—it's about reclaiming your present and future. You can learn to trust, to feel safe with others, and to love without fear.

If you're ready to begin the healing process, our team at Mental Map to Wellness is here to support you with compassionate, evidence-based care in VA, DC, and MD. Whether you're navigating anxious patterns, avoidant tendencies, or the effects of trauma, you're not alone—and you don't have to do this alone.

🧠 Ready to explore your attachment style and start healing? Schedule your free consultation today.