Why Do We Compare Ourselves to Others?
By: Eunice Ahn
With the society that we live in today, it is so easy to compare ourselves to others based on success, appearance, and life choices. With the readiness of social media to all of our hands, many of us fall victim to comparing ourselves to celebrities, friends, and even strangers. However, constant comparison can affect our mental health negatively and stunt personal growth.
The History of Comparison
Comparing yourself to others actually stems from
our evolutionary roots when we had to rely on social bonds and cooperation in order to survive. People would compare and contrast to see who fits which role the best depending on skillset, most contribution, and as a result, gain the most amount of status in the community. By using these people as points of reference, people would be able to see their own strengths and weaknesses and work towards becoming stronger or more useful in order to enhance their chances of survival and reproduction.
The basic psychology behind this mindset has continued all the way to modern society. Rather than survival, we use these comparisons to establish our place in society, make choices, and also help strengthen our sense of self-concept (self-concept is beliefs, perceptions, and ideas that an individual has about themselves).
Two Primary Types of Social Comparison
There are two types of social comparison: upward and downward comparison. Upward comparison is when we compare ourselves to others who we believe to be superior in some way (e.g.: appearance, success, prestige). Downward comparison is when we compare ourselves to others that we believe are inferior or "less than" us. Typically, when we engage in upward social comparison (think we are lacking), it can lead to feelings of inadequacy, envy, and low self-worth. On the other hand, when we engage in downward social comparison, we may have a temporary boost in self-esteem.
Surprisingly, there is a danger to both comparisons if not done in moderation. For upward, we may compare ourselves too harshly to others. This could possibly cause emotional distress, depression, jealousy (to the point of harming interpersonal relationships), unhealthy levels of stress and self-criticism, decreased motivation, social isolation, imposter syndrome, and
unrealistic goals.
Especially with the introduction of social media, encourages upward comparison because people (especially celebrities) may only show their highlights/achievements, idealized lifestyle, and most flattering pictures, all of which could help contribute to the unrealistic standards of success and beauty as a downward comparison, this may lead to complacency (false sense of superiority), lack of motivation to improve yourself (stunted personal growth), social isolation, empathy deficit, unrealistic self-image, and self-esteem dependency.
Strategies to Help Prevent Comparing Yourself To Others
Practice Self-Compassion and Self-Awareness: Treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you would provide to a close friend. Acknowledge your imperfections without harshly judging yourself. Harsh self-criticism typically does not get you anywhere but harms your mental! Try to catch yourself when you notice you are engaging in social comparison and pay attention to certain situations or triggers that may lead you to have these thoughts.
Set Realistic Goals: Go at your own pace! Don’t compare your progress to those around you. Focus on achieving your personal growth and set achievable personal goals. If you want to read a blog on setting achievable goals, click here.
Limit Social Media Exposure: Reduce the amount of time you spend on social media or change your feed to have more content that promotes positivity and authenticity. Also, acknowledging the fact that others post their most idealized versions of themselves on social media is really important. Nobody truly knows what someone else is going through!
Practice Gratitude: Try to regularly reflect on things that you are grateful for in your life. This can help you start to appreciate yourself and not focus on what you may lack or what others have that you don‘t.
Mindfulness and Meditation: Mindfulness techniques and meditation can help you stay grounded! It could help you stay in the present moment and reduce the tendency to ruminate on comparisons.
Celebrate Your Achievements: Take the time to recognize and celebrate your own accomplishments/strong suits, even if they seem small to you. There will always be people who seem like they excel in areas that you struggle with, but that is just what it means to be human. Embrace the diversity of your talents/abilities and those around you as well.
Seek Support: If you notice that comparing yourself has gone too far and negatively affects your mental health, try discussing your feelings of insecurity with a close friend, family, or even a therapist. Sharing your concerns with others can provide a valuable perspective and also help you gain emotional support. In fact, you may realize that a lot of the thoughts you believed to be true about yourself actually came from comparing yourself to others and are not an accurate representation of yourself.
Comparison is a natural part of human nature, but it can lead to negative emotions and self-doubt if not used effectively. When used properly, however, it can be a motivator for self-improvement. Now, try to catch yourself when you are comparing/ruminating and implement these strategies to help manage it. If you feel like you are having a difficult time but cannot open up to the people around you for various reasons, feel free to schedule a free consultation by clicking the link below for additional support. Share this blog with someone else who you think can benefit from these tips. We also encourage you to sign up for free weekly tips, tools, and strategies by clicking the other link below.
Σχόλια