The 7 Steps to Building Meaningful Relationships
Updated: Mar 23, 2023
1. Positioning
2. Get out of your head
3. Master the First Impression
4. Master the Opening
5. Be Comfortable Showing Vulnerability
6. Master the Closing
7. Be Consistent and Follow Up
In the fast passed, digitized world, it's very easy to find oneself believing you are connected while feeling alone. I was inspired to write this blog through the experience of many of my clients. From high school students, entry-level professionals, doctors, and lawyers, to executives, the one common feeling experience is a deep sense of loneliness. While the perception of connection might appear to be there when we explored some of the factors that drove anxiety and feelings of depression, loneliness came up. Social media plays a fantastic role in giving us the impression we are socially connected when the data shows the opposite results. Check out the section on social media and the comparison trap section within the 10 steps to building unshakable confidence and conviction in yourself, which goes further into the role of social media and its role in having a negative impact on self-esteem. This blog breaks down to map meaningful social connections.
Positioning
Upon working with, studying, and interviewing highly effective people who are good at developing meaningful relationships, the first step is understanding the power of positioning. The old map needs to be updated, which is based on the limiting belief things will happen naturally. Yes, things can happen naturally, and you can wait all you want, while highly effective and socially connected people don't. One frequent reflection that came up with my clients is "why I felt connected before, and now I don't." The answer to this question is that they have not learned the importance of positioning. Institutions such as schools, colleges, and our jobs can help with this step, while relying on the institution on your ability to connect and build meaningful relationships is just not practical. The time will come when you will graduate from the institutional setting, and if you don't learn this step, you will likely suffer from social isolation.
Highly effective people take the initiative to seek out social settings
or create their venue and invite people they want to know better.
Get Out of Your Head
A common mistake here is getting stuck in a self-centered, overthinking map, where you focus inward. Focusing on yourself will not create the foundation of being approachable and an interesting person. How do you become an approachable and interesting person? Apply the following principles below.
Reframe your worry and anxiety into an opportunity to meet new people
Let go of what others think or the pressure to make a good impression by remembering the following truths.
People are likely not interested in you until you demonstrate an interest in them.
It takes a highly positive or a negative emotional impression before you are registered in someone's mind.
Remember, if you act from a genuine state of curiosity and show interest in others, your body language will follow.
Let go of thinking about how you present yourself.
Remember, just as you are unlikely to want to spend time with everyone, it is also OK that some people will not connect with you due to very few similar common interests.
Understand that some people will not be for you, and that is OK.
Master the First Impression
Research shows that first impressions matter. Help yourself make a good first impression by doing what highly effective and socially connected people do.
Be polite
Be well groomed
Be well dressed
Learn to show up with a positive, upbeat attitude
Learn to be confident (click on the link to dive deeper into learning the mental map to confidence)
Learn to be a good listener.
Master the Opening
After learning why and how to get out of your head, it's time to break down the next step: the mechanics that go into the approach. The approach takes courage, thoughtfulness, and a genuine state of curiosity. People often forget that communication is a skill. A skill you can learn or might need to refresh your memory. It's OK that you will feel nervous and anxious and not know what to say. No one is born a great communicator. Take the following steps to master the opening.
Shift your nervous energy into excitement to learn something new
According to research, approximately 97% of communication is non-verbal.
If you are relaxed, you will make the other person feel at ease.
If you are worried, you are likely thinking about yourself. Focus on them.
Ask open-ended questions with the aim of discovering what the other person is interested in and passionate about
Be ready with a few light topics.
Consider what topics are trending and ask open-ended questions to start the conversation.
Once you get them talking and they feel comfortable, look for common ground.
Open up and Show Vulnerability.
Learning to balance showing interest in others with the ability to show vulnerability is the next step to building meaningful connections. You will need to work on letting your guard down and practicing talking about some of your shortcomings and setbacks, demonstrating that you are human like everyone else. Here are the steps you can take:
reflect on what you feel comfortable sharing
follow 70/30 rules (70 interest in others and 30 talking about yourself)
Master the Closing
Just as it is important to know how to open, it is equally important to know how to close.
Take these steps, and you will also leave a very positive impression and one that will crave your appearance in the future.
No need to go through the pain of talking to someone you are not interested in.
Once you give it your best shot to know them and there is no common interest, close and exit.
Master the closing timing and statement.
Leave before they get tired of you by giving them the gift of missing you
Learn to know what to say by planning your exit ahead
Be Consistent and Follow Up
Now that you have connected with a group of people that genuinely interest you following up is the key to building depth! If you fail to take this step, no matter how great of an impression you create, you will be quickly forgotten, and the opportunity will be lost. This step must become a habit. Remember that highly effective and socially connected people follow up. Life can get busy, and you can easily forget to get carried away with work obligations, hobbies, interests, or family-related needs. Following up is a must. Take the following steps.
Schedule time consistently with people who you have identified as having a common interest
Check in weekly by texting, calling and planning social events
Balance attending and creating your events to host your friends
Remember to write down birthdays and important events and interests of your friends
Let your friends know you remember the details
Now you have covered the seven steps to the mental map to building meaningful connections, take the time to reflect. Be honest with yourself to assess where are your strengths and weaknesses. Chances are you need to make a few updates if you are reading this blog. Be honest with yourself, and also don't be discouraged. It is a limiting belief to say, "this does not sound like it can be me." Or "I will never be someone like that." Communication is a skill. Like any skill, you can learn it and move toward mastery or be stuck believing a story that will drive you further into deception and social isolation. You can choose where your mind goes, what you believe, and whether you adopt a growth or static mindset. Adapting a growth mindset will liberate you from the negative self-perceptions and move you toward updating the old map to the new one, leading you toward feeling connected. We are here to help. Reach out for support. Our team is ready to help you build a new mental map to meaningful social connections.
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